Whatever Things Are True: the Good, the Bad and the Beautiful in the World of International Adoption

An Elderly Widow and Her Ethiopian Son

Veteran journalist Marilyn Berger is not by nature an impulsive person. Her friends describe her as "measured," "very thoughtful," "an intellectual." Yet Berger, now 74, has fallen deeply, passionately -- and instantly -- in love twice in her life, with two strong-willed males who could not be more different from each other.

The first time around the magic moment happened when Berger, then a globe-trotting diplomatic correspondent for NBC, found herself fixed up with Don Hewitt, the brash creator and executive producer of CBS's 60 Minutes. They hit it off from the moment he called to make a first date -- to the point where Hewitt inquired, "If it works out on Thursday, can we have dinner on Friday and Saturday, too?" By the end of that 1976 weekend Berger had found her life's companion. "He was a really good-looking guy, full of vitality -- he laughed a lot," Berger recalls. "We went out for Chinese food and my fortune cookie read: 'You are doomed to be happy in marriage.'"

And indeed she was. Berger, who had been based in Washington, quit her job to be with him. She moved back to New York City, her hometown, and found a new career anchoring public affairs programs. She was 43 when the couple wed (Hewitt was 56), in 1979, a period before the advent of today's fertility technology. "I wanted to be a mother but never connected with the right guy," she says. "By the time I connected it was too late."

via www.lhj.com

I ran across this interesting story from the Ladies Home Journal archives today, though I'm not sure when it was originally published. The piece raises a number of questions: the woman profiled in the story, journalist Marilyn Berger, was too old to adopt under Ethiopian law, and yet became the permanent caregiver for an 8-year-old boy through arrangements not fully explained in the story; Dr. Rick Hodes, who runs a medical clinic in Ethiopia, is apparently the child's legal guardian. Berger is the author of the book THIS IS THE SOUL, which chronicles Dr. Hodes' work in Ethiopia.

The child, Danny, had apparently run away from his Ethiopian mother and stepfather due to abuse, and was suffering from tuberculosis of the spine when Berger met him on the street and took him to the Hodes' clinic for care. So much in this story goes against the conventional wisdom regarding how international adoptions should be arranged, and yet, both Berger and Danny seem to be thriving as a family.

Posted at 12:13 PM in Adoption Policy, Africa, Celebrities, Ethiopia, Global Orphan Crisis, Older Child Adoption, Special Needs Adoption, Transracial Adoption | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

March 08, 2013

Resources for Struggling Adoptive Families

I've got a new post up at Adoptive Families Circle where I'm sharing some resources I've turned to when I've faced challenges as a parent.

The piece includes a mention of social worker Regina Kupecky, on the staff of the Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio and co-author of Adopting the Hurt Child. It just so happens that Ms. Kupecky will be giving an online webinar through Adoptive Families next week, where she will answer questions about adopting older children. You can register for the March 12 event here.

Posted at 06:45 AM in Adoptee Support, Adoptive Parenting, Bloggers, Books, Older Child Adoption | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

March 05, 2013

As emotions over US-Russia adoptions intensify, a rift widens into a chasm

As emotions over US-Russia adoptions intensify, a rift widens into a chasm.

The Christian Science Monitor published an article yesterday describing how the issues around intercountry adoption have created the biggest rift between Russia and the US since the Cold War.

And of course, none of the rhetoric is really serving Russian children. Take a look at the full article; it's well worth your time.

Posted at 12:54 PM in Adoption Policy, Russia, United States | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

February 26, 2013

Parenting: A Resource for Families Coping with Hearing Loss

Through the magic of Twitter, I just discovered that my friend Krystyann Krywko writes a blog called After the Diagnosis: Helping Families with Hearing Loss , which might be of interest to some of you out there. Krystyann is a writer and education researcher who specializes in hearing loss and the impact it has on children and families. She shares a parental, as well as a personal, perspective; she and her young son were diagnosed with hearing loss one year apart. Browsing through her blog posts, I also found plenty of good information of interest to families dealing with any kind of special educational need.

Krystyann holds an Ed. D in International Education Development from Teachers College, Columbia University. After ten years of early childhood teaching experience, her current research interests include: hearing loss, brain development and the impact on literacy; how hearing loss affects learning in the classroom and making schools hearing-accessible; raising public awareness of hearing loss detection and treatment; and community and parent involvement. Krystyann has also written an e-book called Late-onset Hearing Loss:A Parent's Perspective on What to Do When Your Child is Diagnosed that's available in Kindle and PDF formats.

Posted at 10:58 AM in Adoptee Support, Adoption Medicine, Adoptive Parenting, Books, School Issues and Adoption | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 25, 2013

Russia Backs Off Claim of Murder in Death of Adopted Boy in Texas - NYTimes.com

Russian officials retreated from accusing a Texas woman of murder in the death of a 3-year-old boy she adopted from Russia, as the cause of his death remained unclear.

Russia late last year banned adoptions by American citizens, and news of the death of the boy in Texas, Max Shatto, has provoked a huge outcry here, including demands for the return of his younger brother, Kristopher, 2, who was adopted by the same couple.

via www.nytimes.com

Posted at 09:38 PM in Russia | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

E.J. Graff Looks at the "Horror of Adopting a Troubled Foreign Child" in Slate. Ugh.

Sadly, yet another adoption tragedy has made the news: the death of 3-year-old Max Allen Shatto. Officials in Russia have accused the boy's adoptive mother, Laura Shatto, of beating him to death; she claims that Max was outside playing when she found him unresponsive and called for help.

Journalist and frequent international adoption critic E. J. Graff has written a response to the Shatto tragedy for Slate, and while it raises some legitimate issues about the Russian adoption program and about the screening and preparation of adoptive parents, overall it advances the troubling stereotype of damaged adoptee. When the post first went up, the Slate homepage touted the story with some highly offensive linkbait, "The horror of adopting a foreign child who is very troubled and difficult," plus an incendiary stock photo of a screaming, blonde-haired "demon child" that has since been taken down (I really need to learn how to take a screenshot!)

And then, E. J. Graff writes:

Here’s what happens...Hopeful and slightly naïve people unknowingly adopt exceptionally traumatized children. We’re talking about children whose behavior would test even the most prepared and patient parents. And it pushes a few unprepared parents right over the edge.

That's right, folks. Those damaged kids push and push the grown ups until otherwise good and decent people just can't help but resort to violence.

I've written many times before about how the media's damaged adoptee narrative infuriates me. Having adopted older children, I understand how hard it is to help a frightened child integrate into a new family. I know what it's like to feel that a child is pushing my buttons, hard, until I'm about to snap. But it's not about me. It's about my child, and having empathy for whatever fear/heartache/medical issue may be driving the child's negative behavior. I agree with E.J. Graff that the officials in Russia and elsewhere who place children for adoption need to be forthcoming about whatever special physical and emotional needs the children might have. I also agree that adoptive parents need better preparation and access to ongoing support after adoption. However, when it comes to blaming children for their victimization at the hands of adults, I draw the line. We need to hold the adults accountable.

Posted at 10:59 AM in Adoptee Support, Adoption Critics, Adoption in the Media, Adoptive Parenting, Russia | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

February 20, 2013

WQED in Pennsylvania Looks at Adoptive Families Embracing Ethiopian Culture

The Horizon program, which runs on Pennsylvania PBS affiliate WQED, takes a look at four adoptive families who are embracing the Ethiopian heritage of their children. You can watch the episode at the link.

WQED Multimedia: TV :: WQED On Demand.

Posted at 01:01 PM in Adoption in the Media, Adoptive Parenting, Africa, Ethiopia, Television | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

February 19, 2013

Adoptive Families Magazine looking for Reader Submissions

This message from the editors of Adoptive Families landed in my in-box today and I though I would share:

SPECIAL DOUBLE ISSUE: Celebrate Adoption

The next issue of Adoptive Families is all about you!

We're excited to announce a special double issue, "Celebrate Adoption: Our Families, Our Stories," and we want contributions from the AF community. Every family formed through adoption has a story to tell - and we want to hear every last one!

Adoptive parents, birth family members, and adoptees of all ages, please share your personal essays and photos that capture defining moments for your family, around themes or stages in the adoption journey like:

Deciding to adopt
Getting "the call" that you'd been matched, or that the baby was on his way
Meeting your child
Welcome home - first weeks as family
Brother/sister moments
Realizing that a strong bond has taken hold
Finally feeling like a mom or dad
Family traditions, old and new
Mother's Day and Father's Day memories

We also want to see scans or digital files of your child's adoption announcement, and pages from your family's scrapbooks and lifebooks, and we'll print a selection in this keepsake double issue.If you have personal essays or images you'd like us to consider publishing in the "Celebrate Adoption" issue, e-mail them to submissions at adoptivefamilies dot com by April 1.

Posted at 10:49 AM in Adoption in the Media, Adoptive Parenting, Birth Parents, Bloggers | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)