Whatever Things Are True: the Good, the Bad and the Beautiful in the World of International Adoption

Two Tales from the Trenches of Foster Care and Adoption

 

I wanted to end my blog year on an inspiring note, with that story of the Cambodian girl who found happiness in adoption, but as always, the difficult news keeps coming, like this article about problems in the Ethiopia program that was just published in The Atlantic. Breaking that one down is more than I can handle two days before Christmas, so I'm going to have to come back to it. For now,  let me direct your end-of-year attention to two excellent guest posts on the US foster care system over at Rage Against the Minivan.

Kristen Howerton created a guest post series for her blog intended to spark empathy and understanding called What I Want You to Know, where readers share their personal stories. This week, two adoption-related posts appeared, and although they were written by different authors, they should really be read side by side. The first, called Adoption Infertility, was posted by a young military wife named Heather. She and her husband have been trying to adopt a hard-to-place child from foster care for almost two years, only to be thwarted by a social worker who doesn't approve of military families. In Heather's words,

 

The problems started almost immediately. Our social worker very clearly expressed her dislike of military families. After a very long, emotionally draining 18 month process (that “ideally” should have taken 3-4 months,) we became foster parents for our local county department and began the process to be matched with an available child. After being matched with a sweet 6 year old little boy, our social worker decided that since we were “transient” due to our active duty military status, she was going to deny us the possibility to continue the process to adopt. We could leave the program or take placements on a short term or respite basis. We chose to take short term placements and had almost 6 months of very rewarding foster parenting before we had to leave the program. We leave for our next duty station in South America next month and the door on adopting has been shut for us for at least the next two years.

 

And the 6-year-old boy Heather and her husband hoped to adopt? He has still not been matched with a permanent family.

In A Letter to Santa from a Foster Child,  LT of the blog I Was a Foster Kid, tells St. Nick:

 

You never came when I lived with Mr. Ri–on. He used to dress up like you and make us give him presents… except those presents made me feel gross or hurt me; although they made him feel good. Back then I just wanted ONE thing too … a safe home with people that didn’t use me or my little body.

You never came with I lived with the Stocktons. You came for their biokids, but I was just “the foster kid.” I even spent that Christmas day locked in the basement, away from their holiday family gathering. Back then I just wanted ONE thing too … a family that wanted “the foster kid.”

You never came when I lived on the streets. Sometimes I saw you walking down the street going to parties or restaurants or sitting in shopping malls. But you never saw me. Back then I just wanted ONE thing too… a home with people that cared about me.

Although my writing here at Whatever Things Are True is focused on international adoption issues, those two posts disturbed me such that I had to mention them. Our foster care system is broken.  Our international adoption system is broken too. But there are too many kids  in need -- here, there and everywhere -- for us to give up on the fixing. I can't help but ponder how so much time from so many spectators goes into pitting international adoption against adoption from foster care. My Christmas wish is for more of us to care about ALL kids who need families, wherever they are, and to actually  DO something. Here's a couple of small things you can do right now, in less time than it takes to wrap a present:

• Donate $5 to the Children's Rights campaign, a national adovocacy group working to reform US foster care
• Donate $5 to help fund the adoption of a little boy with Down's Syndrome who is currently housed in an Eastern European orphanage

 

 

 

 

Wendy's Father's Day Frosty Weekend to Raise Money for Kids in Foster Care

Though this is not an international adoption story, I thought this was worth passing on: Wendy's will donate 50 cents for every Frosty product sold this weekend to Wendy's Wonderful Kids, which finds adoptive families for foster children as the signature program of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.

Since its inception in 2007, Father’s Day Frosty Weekend has raised more than $6.2 million for Wendy’s Wonderful Kids. This year, Wendy’s hopes to raise another $1.7 million, enough money to find permanent homes for hundreds of children who have waited too long – five years or more -- for a forever family. To date, 2,206 children have been adopted through Wendy’s Wonderful Kids, and several thousand more are in process or pending.

“Father’s Day Frosty Weekend has become a wonderful Wendy’s tradition that furthers the efforts of its founder, Dave Thomas, an adoptee who devoted his life to the needs of children in foster care,” said David Karam, president, Wendy’s International. “Sharing a Frosty and helping children in need -- what better ways to honor Dave and our dads on Father’s Day.”

Complete details about the fundraiser are available at the link.You don't even have to buy a Frosty to help -- Wendy's will also make donations when you promote the fundraiser via social media .

National : Celebrate Father's Day at Wendys's and support Wendy's Wonderful Kids.

One Mom's Answer to "Why Adopt from There and Not Here?"

Blogger Kristen Howerton, from Rage Against the Minivan and Mama Manifesto, has a great post today about dealing with the questions and criticism from strangers that comes with the international adoption territory. She is the mother of a son via Haiti, two daughters by birth, and a son adopted from the foster care system. She knows all about adopting from there AND here.

Angelina and Brad Mark National Adoption Day with a Donation to SOS Children's Villages

A press release from SOS Children's Villages-USA:

November 20, 2010: The Jolie-Pitt Foundation today announced a donation of $150,000 to SOS Children’s Villages – USA. The donation is given in recognition of National Adoption Day, which celebrates adoptive families and highlights the needs of the over 100,000 children still waiting for adoptive families in the United States. SOS Children’s Villages play a vital role in the healing and stabilization of foster care children, and constitute a critical step along the way to family reunification or adoption for many children.

SOS Children’s Villages provides loving, stable homes to children around the world whose biological families cannot properly care for them. Founded over 60 years ago, SOS operates over 500 Villages in 130 countries including Illinois and Florida in the US. The Jolie-Pitt Foundation donation will provide the supplemental long-term financial support needed for a family of four foster children in an SOS Village in the US.

Dr. Heather Paul, CEO of SOS Children’s Villages – USA expressed her gratitude for the on-going support from Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: “I am truly thankful that Angelina and Brad understand the power of family – the kind of stable family that SOS holds as an essential part of healthy child development. Together, Angelina and Brad have been eye-witnesses to the great work of SOS in Ethiopia, Jordan, a Darfur refugee camp in Chad, and Haiti. Angelina and Brad know that children’s need for a family is universal.”

In the US, SOS Children’s Villages is a haven for a foster child, a haven from the storm of multiple placements, abuse or neglect. SOS puts foster children back together again with their brothers and sisters, and strengthens them for a bright future – a future that can include reunification with a biological parent, adoption, or success as an independent adult.

Through this donation, The Jolie-Pitt Foundation will provide support to an SOS foster care family for a number of years. This long-term approach is crucial to transforming a child who has suffered years of abuse - healing cannot happen overnight.

SOS Children’s Villages in the US have achieved impressive results. Less than 50% of foster care children in the US complete high school, while SOS youth have a completion rate of almost 100%. Over 300 foster children now call SOS home in Illinois and Florida, including many groups of biological brothers and sisters.

SOS Children’s Villages operates under these core principles:

1. Siblings should grow up together in a family-based environment.
2. Children should be re-unified with their biological family whenever possible.
3. Foster care children should never “age-out” of the system. Post-high school support is critical to a young adult’s long-term success.

SOS Children’s Villages in the US receive public support for the basic needs of their foster children. The additional services needed to transform a child’s life are provided by private donors. The $150,000 donation from The Jolie-Pitt Foundation will fund numerous services such as full-time, professionally trained caregivers, counseling, intensive support toward family reunification, vocational training or college preparation.

 

The Heart of the National Adoption Hoopla

If you're a member of the adoption community, or even the general public, you've been inundated with information and commentary about National Adoption Month since November 1, with a countdown building up to today -- National Adoption Day. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about all the hoopla.

According to the US Department of Health and Human Services website, the seed for Adoption Awareness Month was planted in 1976 when Michael Dukakis, then governor of Massachusssetts, proclaimed  Adoption Week in his state to call attention to children in foster care who were legally free to join new families. The idea spread quickly: Ronald Reagan proclaimed a National Adoption Week during his tenure; Bill Clinton claimed the entire month of November for adoption in 1995.

Next, National Adoption Day launched in 2000 as a collaborative effort among child advocates, foster care agencies, law firms, and other stakeholders to finalize foster care adoption cases on a dedicated day of meaningful efficiency. The scope quickly grew to encompass a general celebration of adoption, and the inclusion of all types of adoptive families in the court proceedings. In fact, when my husband and I filed court papers to readopt our three international children in 2007, a courthouse employee actually phoned to invite us to complete the case on National Adoption Day. Joining with other happy families at court was lovely. The kindness of the Judge and his staff was overwhelming. My kids went home that day bearing balloons, handmade blankets, pins and stuffed animals, all gifts from local charities. Certainly a beautiful day for our family.

All of this is good stuff, but what started as a worthy effort seems to be snowballing into hype and commodification. The Joint Council on International Children's Services has issued a 30-day challenge urging people to take daily action throughout November to promote international adoption.  Adoptive families are now  encouraged to do National Adoption Month activities with their with their children. For example, this day-by-day activity guide rivals any celebration of Advent, Hanukah, Ramadan or Kwaanza in its intensity! Christians now observe and promote Orphan Sunday every November.  And if you buy Jockey Underwear this month, 1% of your purchase goes to the Debra Steigerwaldt Waller Foundation for Adoption. (Debra Steigerwaldt Waller is Jockey’s Chairman of the Board and CEO, an adoptee.) 

Promoting child welfare is good. Raising awareness about adoption is good. Reminding people that children languish in foster care is good. However, I fear that we are careening away from the original intent of the National Adoption effort. It won't be long before families like mine start receiving Happy Adoption Day Hallmark Cards from friends.

My natural resistance to all the hype is one reason why I LOVE actress Nia Vardalos, the official ambassador of National Adoption Day.  In this interview, she goes to the heart of the matter and stays focused on helping foster kids. I also love the fact that she never shows her daughter's face on camera; she's not about self-promotion and hype, she's about helping kids. Check it out:

   

 

 

 

Bulgaria Vows to Phase Out Orphanages, Promote Adoption and Foster Care

From Novinite.com:

 

Bulgaria’s Health Ministry has announced it is starting to gradually close orphanages for children below three years of age.

According to the ministry, all the children from the orphanages have to be returned to their biological parents or given for foster care in the next 15 years.

The first nine orphanages for children below three years of age will be closed in the next five years. The financing, which is expected to be more than BGN 26 M, will be provided under the operation programs “Regional Development” and “Human Resources Development.”

The process of shutting down such institutions is part of the “Vision for deinstitutionalization of children in Bulgaria.”

The number of institutions for children below three years of age is 32. They have accommodated 2,334 children and only 0,7% of them are orphans.

According to the Health Ministry, the most common reasons why parent abandon their children are social-economic problems, lack of skills or capacity for raising children, health problems, family violence, unwanted or premature birth.

Analyses, however, show that appropriate policy could allow children to be returned to their families or could prevent their abandonment in the first place.

However, the opportunities for every child depend on the specific circumstances.

Data from the ministry shows that a total of 1,260 children from the 32 orphanages are not disabled and at least half of them could be returned to their biological families. The rest could be adopted or accommodated with foster parents.

At present, there are more than 475 foster families in Bulgaria, which have accommodated more than 417 children. Last year, 800 children were adopted. The rest 1,074 children that are left in the institutions have disabilities or chronic illnesses.

Without question, this initiative is a promising start to child welfare reform in Bulgaria, but the proof will be in the execution. I've posted before about the appalling conditions for vulnerable children in Bulgaria. Three years ago, documentary filmmaker Kate Blewett took her cameras inside a Bulgarian orphanage for the disabled. The resulting film, Bulgaria's Abandoned Children, sparked an international outcry that echoed the dramatic response to Blewett's best known work,  The Dying Rooms, the award-winning expose about shocking conditions inside China's neglectful institutions for children. Ultimately, the Bulgarian government was shamed into improving conditions inside its orphanages for disabled and mentally challenged children. It's likely that international pressure is prompting this latest development as well. Though this new plan promises support to help keep original families of healthy children intact, the plan doesn't extend to support for families of disabled children, so clearly, the marginalization of these children continues.

Bulgaria's new plan favors foster care, and while quality foster care offers children a better start than orphanage life, high quality foster care is rare. As Suffolk Law Professor Sara Dillon has pointed out on her blog:

In the US, statistics indicate that 70-80% of prison inmates are former foster children….The problem of uneven quality, rotating placements, vulnerability to further abuse and neglect–these are endemic to foster care systems….

It is foster care that should be used sparingly, selectively and only as an alternative to institutions….There is simply no comparison between adoption, domestic or international, and foster care….

I can only hope that the Bulgarian government will fully commit itself to promoting family support and reunification, then adoption, and then, quality foster care. Maybe officials there should check out this video for the Be the One child rights campaign here in the US, which features the adult perspectives of former foster children.